Celebrating Half. 20 weeks.

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So hey there, little one. We passed the halfway mark this week. I’ll admit, this was our second try on a photo. The first one ended before it even started with a half hour crying session with your dad by the front door. Because after the latest doctor visits the last few weeks, this also means (most likely) we’ve reached the halfway point of your life. This picture was really hard for me to take. At this point, celebrating weeks seems so difficult. Like, it is so hard not to think of it as a countdown to your day of birth. Because as of right now, your day of birth also means your day of death. And today, this week, I just haven’t had an easy time thinking about that. My body is your body’s life support system. I have three doctors ready to take over my care depending on what your body does in the next several weeks. And, sadly, the doctor I end up with is (only) decided on the time you die. Before 38 weeks, and it’ll be one; after 38 weeks with no changes, and it’ll be another; and another one for a potential surgery in Charleston that could keep you alive for a few extra days…but right now he’s saying he wouldn’t do the surgery because you wouldn’t survive the open heart procedure with all the other things going on. Most likely, we won’t be able to chose a doctor until the last minute – whenever something happens. That’s ok with me though. I’ve done this enough times to know that the doctor you choose has almost nothing to do with your actual delivery anyway. They don’t work as hard as midwives and doulas do. πŸ™‚

We were referred to an incredible organization this week as well. They are coming in to help us prepare for your birth and the brief moments after. They’re even coming in later this week just to meet with your sisters and give them some helpful information about what to expect. We’re hoping to keep the entire ordeal peaceful for them – as non-frightening for them as we can. They’ll even coordinate a big meeting with your dad and I and the head of the NICU, the head of the nursing staff on call for that night, as well as the two potential doctors we’ll have here in town – just to go over our birthing plan so we’re all on the same page. We get to chose everything from how little monitoring they do during delivery, to the method of delivery, to the amount of care you receive after birth. And this RN with the organization will be our “doula” of sorts – there at all times, working not as a nurse, but only as our liason to make sure our birth plan is followed exactly how we discussed. This really takes a load of our minds. And we’re really thankful for it.

I’m happy that you are alive now, though. Oh so very happy. There’s so many things we’re learning about you through these ultrasounds. Your face is so precious to us. I feel like I have it memorized already. Your sisters still kiss you good morning every day, and count down the days until they can see you again. All I can say in all these decisions we have to make is that we will search the Lord with all our hearts for the answers to each one. And, as we know that each decision we make will most likely bring you closer to being in His arms…each decision we make will bring you closer to being in His arms. And that can’t be seen as a negative thing for you at all. I also know, because of the peace He gives us each moment of each day, that He will continue to do that. Even in those tough times that are so fearful for me to look forward to.

So, for now, until we see you again, we all love you, and we always will.

XOXOX,

Mom

How far along? 20 weeks, 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: + 10 lbs
Maternity clothes? Yep. Clean jeans are awesome.
Sleep: Still good – no Restless Leg Syndrome yet. Wow – I’m thankful for that for sure.
Best moment this week: Introducing baby to Chris’ mom and Nan. It was Nan’s first time ever to see an ultrasound. And she got a 3D ultrasound to boot! Boy was she blown away! And hanging out with some great friends in Charlotte over the weekend. There’s nothing like super deep friendships and children’s museums.

Movement: Yes! At one point this week, I thought it was trying to bust out of my belly button.
Food cravings: Water. Ice cold.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Cleaning bathrooms. But that’s not pregnancy related. πŸ™‚
Have you started to show yet: Yep.

Gender Predictions: still guessing a boy…maybe we’ll know this week? Since the baby’s legs can’t move much, it’s hard to see – really hard to see. Maybe we’ll get lucky this week, though.

Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? IN
Wedding rings on or off? Still on and still too big for my left hand. I’ll take that for sure. Pregnancy in the fall/winter sure does cut down on my swelling!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Busy? I had that big wedding cake to make…so that kept my mind occupied for a good long while for sure.

Weekly Wisdom: Homeschooling makes you wanna pull your hair out sometimes. But at other most times, I’m really thankful for it. And I have plenty of hair to spare. So it won’t hurt too much to lose a few pieces.

Milestones: Baby weighs as much as a turnip. huh. I have no idea what that means. Maybe I should buy a turnip.

Weekly Prayer Request: My pastor’s wife asked me to take some time to share with the ladies in our church about what faith means to me tomorrow night. I think writing is easier than speaking. (Although those who know me would think I have no problems talking!)

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About Kim

I am a sinner, miraculously saved by grace, living by faith, and pressing toward the mark of being more like Christ. I absolutely love being a stay-at-home mom! I'm also a caterer for a few weddings throughout the year, a baker, and a party planner. And I love to play in other people's kitchens as well as my own! My husband, Chris, just finished his studies for his MA degree in Pastoral Studies. He's a wonderful (and super smart!) daddy - and the most loving and supportive husband. My two beautiful daughters, Chloe and Kami, are the joys of our lives! We pray that they both would be greatly used of the Lord. Throughout their short time here on earth, we have learned so much about ourselves, our God, and the gratefulness we have towards our own parents, who raised us in the ways of God's Word. Our third unborn child is a blessing as well - even after its recent pre-diagnosis of Trisomy 18, or Edwards Syndrome. This blog has kinda turned into a little journal of sorts of our dark journey down this rather uncommon road. I stay busy cooking, cleaning, gardening, and raising the plants I killed back to life, and homeschooling. I blog when get the chance. :) We are always happy to have visitors, so please stop by anytime! Although, if you do give us a call first, we'll make sure to have some fresh cookies and sweet tea available when you arrive!

6 responses »

    • Debbie – this encouraged me more than you know. For if my trial can do something good for someone else, them there’s some sort of value and purpose to it now. And I don’t have to wait for heaven to see all of it, May God continue to draw you to Himself.

  1. It seems to me that it would be so hard for you to speak to a group of ladies at this time. However, as you must know already, your faith is an amazing inspiration to others. Your sweetness and transparency are so precious. Praying for you and your family. God bless!

    • Thanks, Jan for your faithful prayers and words of encouragement. The speaking thing went really well. (By that, I mean, I stayed in my time limits, I didn’t say “um” too much, and I only cried once. πŸ˜‰ God was gracious to keep my emotions in check.

  2. After Keren’s, yours is my most read blog. You are telling an amazing story. We have an amazing God! Praying for you and your family.

    • Thank you, Mrs Hawley. I think of you and your husband often. Ill never forget the first time I went to WCCS to set up my classroom the saturday after in service week – and almost no one was around. But your husband came by to answer my 100 questions about things. πŸ˜‰ thanks for checking back often. πŸ™‚

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