Celebrating Week 31.

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Celebrating Week 31.

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I had such a different post planned for today. But just as I was thinking I could get comfortable for the next few weeks, my faith and heart are being shaken again.

How far along? 31 weeks, 4 days.

Total weight gain/loss: + 26 lbs
Maternity clothes? I bought a new sweater this week. But I’ll admit, I haven’t taken the tags off.
Sleep: MUCH better. I’m so thankful for antibiotics.
Best moment this week: Swallowing with no pain. And seeing my sister who drove up from Georgia just to hang out for a weekend. And Chloe’s Christmas recital. And seeing the Keith and Kristyn Getty concert – it was just as powerful and worshipful as last year. And just what Chris and I needed.

Movement: Not in the last 24 hours. I’m extremely nervous about this honestly.

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Food cravings: Not really.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope. I’m definitely feeling much much better. Thanks to all the friends and family who generously and graciously helped out so much.

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Have you started to show yet: Yep – but I’m kinda glad I’m still small enough that strangers aren’t always asking questions.

Gender Predictions: Man Child.

Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? IN
Wedding rings on or off? Still on the “big” hand.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Nervous.
Weekly Wisdom: Grieving parents couldn’t care less about gun rights and abortion stats.

Milestones: 1 pound, 5 ounces. Same as last week.

Exercise: Nope, but I’m not really on bedrest anymore from being sick. I’m so thankful for healing!

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Weekly Prayer Request: The last time I saw Kyle was a few days ago. My favorite ultrasound technician girls (J & V! :), were not available. So I had another one I’ve only seen a couple of times. As nice as she was, I was only given about 4 minutes or so to see Kyle. And since I only saw his face for a few brief seconds (the other minutes were spent on his heart and the placenta/umbilical cord blood flow), no photos. (All of these photos are from previous ultrasounds.) In her defense, I think they were really busy that day. I don’t think she knew my full situation. And I think I’ve been royally blessed spoiled with my hour+ scans every week with J and V, along with the 3D images that J manages to make look like a professionally photoshopped photo that’s worthy of the latest baby magazine!

They also seem to have a hard time getting a measurement on Kyle. I can’t blame them, though – the normal markers they use to determine their best estimate of a baby’s weight and size are definitely either nonexistent in our baby or they’re in a strange place. Basically this amounts to our recording the same measurement that we had last week.

So, while I’m trying not to put too much stock in their measurement – my doctor did. So, this means that in nine days, no measurable growth was recorded. His heart rate being in the 140’s was good. We didn’t get any ideas at all of his movement – just because of the length of the ultrasound. But the lack of growth was gravely concerning to my doctor. To the point that he put me on high alert for preeclampsia setting in.

While all of the preeclampsia signs seem to be nonexistent at this point, I haven’t felt Kyle move in almost 24 hours now. And I’m struggling.

Thinking that perhaps that one quick moment that I saw his face Thursday was indeed my last. That those 2.5 seconds I heard his heartbeat were the last sounds I’ll hear from him. That perhaps he won’t have his first Christmas after all.

I’m thinking that while I have sincerely appreciated every moment of life we’ve been given from God, I’m just not ready for it to be done yet.

You hear, that, little guy?

I’m not ready. Sure the plans are in place now. The hospitals are informed. The doctors are ready. (Even though this week, my delivering doctor is actually in NYC.) Your basket of gifts is packed and ready. Your ornament is on the tree.

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Your Christmas gifts have been picked out. I guess I can show them a little early.

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It was the highlight of our week a few weeks back. After our advent meditating that night, we spent an hour or so picking out a gift for you. Well, for some other kids. Other kids who won’t have the blessings that you have. And you’re not even here yet. They are. And they’re healthy. Until they drink the only water available to them. Or until they catch malaria because they don’t have mosquito nets. Or until they are born and their mothers don’t know how to take care of them. Because their own mothers could barely keep them alive when they were growing up. And while we can’t fix you, we can help them.

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So, partnering with Compassion International, we picked out a few gifts. For you. And for them.

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Kami just wanted to give them food. So, beans and rice it is. For a malnourished child.

Then she decided to go ahead and make them a meal.

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Chloe did not surprise and picked out a playground. She wanted the boys and girls to have a playground like she has at all her parks around town. She saw the kids in Uganda and how much they loved theirs.

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One day, I hope to travel on a Compassion International trip to personally help some of these expecting mothers. To touch their sweet babies and to give them the few things that could help save their baby’s life. Some education about nutrition, some food, some love. I can’t save you. But I can help save them.

Without you, I wouldn’t have this intense desire to save a baby’s life.

Maybe because of you, one day, I can.

I love you sweet boy. And while I hope I’ll have a few more letters to write to you publicly like this, I’m aware it could be one of the last.

I’ll see you tomorrow. Until then, know that I love you, and I always will.

XOXO,

Mom

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About Kim

I am a sinner, miraculously saved by grace, living by faith, and pressing toward the mark of being more like Christ. I absolutely love being a stay-at-home mom! I'm also a caterer for a few weddings throughout the year, a baker, and a party planner. And I love to play in other people's kitchens as well as my own! My husband, Chris, just finished his studies for his MA degree in Pastoral Studies. He's a wonderful (and super smart!) daddy - and the most loving and supportive husband. My two beautiful daughters, Chloe and Kami, are the joys of our lives! We pray that they both would be greatly used of the Lord. Throughout their short time here on earth, we have learned so much about ourselves, our God, and the gratefulness we have towards our own parents, who raised us in the ways of God's Word. Our third unborn child is a blessing as well - even after its recent pre-diagnosis of Trisomy 18, or Edwards Syndrome. This blog has kinda turned into a little journal of sorts of our dark journey down this rather uncommon road. I stay busy cooking, cleaning, gardening, and raising the plants I killed back to life, and homeschooling. I blog when get the chance. :) We are always happy to have visitors, so please stop by anytime! Although, if you do give us a call first, we'll make sure to have some fresh cookies and sweet tea available when you arrive!

4 responses »

  1. I am praying for you, Kim. And the family! For god hath not given us the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind. I care about those children more now, too, and maybe even my own children, because of you and the power of love you are demonstrating for us.

  2. My mom has alerted me to your blog and your story. We are going thru a challenging pregnancy here and have some very dire prognosis, so I can empathize with you to some degree. Your testimony has already been a help for me personally, and I praise the Lord for His work in and through you all in this journey.

    I will pass along forward a specific encouragement that I received this morning from a friend as it surely can also apply for you. It is below. Additionally, I will be thinking and praying for you constantly. Our God is still good. Our God is still mighty. He loves us so.

    Just wanted to let you know I’m praying for you and your family; and share a verse that I have clung to in my recent spiritual battle. Jer 31:25 “For I will fully satisfy the weary soul, And I will replenish every languishing and sorrowful person.” Jer 30:11a “For I am with you, says the Lord, to save you;” Hang in there. You are being prayed for by many 😊

  3. Kim,
    You have no idea how much your testimony via your blog has touched my life. I pray for you often. So thankful we have a God who loves us more than we can even comprehend and has our very best interest in complete control. While we will never understand on this earth why God puts us through the trials and fires He allows us to walk through, they are all for His honor and His glory. And even though that may not be a comforting thought, our reward is in Heaven. Our longing for our sweet Jesus and all the other glories He allows us are in Heaven alone. Your faith, and testimony, and words, and the things you are teaching your girls through this leave me totally awestruck. He holds you in the palm of His hand and will not let you go!!!!!
    Debbie Bartow

  4. Praise The Lord for you, sweet sister in Christ! The Lord has powerfully used your testimony in my life. The lives of my children are precious beyond words. May I graciously serve them as a steward of God’s grace. Thank-you for reflecting that grace!

    Paula

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