My last letter to Kyle – and a special gift for you.

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Dear Heavenly Father,

I just wanna tell you a couple of things about my little guy. You know everything there is to know about him – But I wanna still tell you anyway?

He loves sucking his thumb. I’m ok with that. I let my girls do that until they are around 4 or so. But you can let him do that as long as you want.

He loves kicking. I can only imagine how good he is at it now that both his legs will work well.

He was a snuggler. He’ll probably need a lot of hugs like his sister, Kami. He liked to smile, though, too. Whenever he ate. Another Kami-trait.

I have a lot of his milk in the freezer. I know You’ll make sure just the right tiny NICU baby receives it. I kinda hope it’s a boy that ends up with it.  And I hope his mama appreciates the love and warm tears that were sent with it. If my Kyle’s milk can keep another baby boy alive, though…Wow.

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I love stars. I show his sisters the stars all the time. Maybe, if You end up making any more, You could let him help You?

Can you just tell him we miss him? A lot. Kami’s pretty upset that she didn’t get to give him “a goodbye kiss and a hug”.  So she kisses her Kyle bear quite a bit.

I got a new nephew yesterday. He’s cute. Like his aunt, of course.  I think I’ll kiss him twice every time I see him. Once for him and once for my baby boy. I can’t wait to kiss them both.

We love our Kyle. And a lot of other people do too. But because of him, a lot of people love You more. I know we do. So thank you.

Tomorrow’s Tuesday. For 20 weeks, I saw my baby every Tuesday. I won’t see him on Tuesdays anymore. And that makes Tuesdays really hard days for me here.  But I know You’ll carry me through Tuesday. And Wednesday. And the other days. Like you have the last 220 days (and all the ones before that). Thank you for not putting me down.

I’m so thankful to you for those days. I’m so thankful I could write him letters every week.  And, if I could write him another letter, it would simply say…

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“Enjoy Heaven today, little guy. I know you’re well taken care of. And one day, I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been up to.  

I’ll see you again (not) soon (enough). Until then, know that I love you, and I always will. 

 XOXO,

Mom”

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Below is the video we showed at Kyle’s Memorial Service this weekend. May it be a blessing to you as it was to all of us in attendance on Saturday. I appreciate you all so very much – and in a way, couldn’t have done this journey without your support and prayers. I’ll be blogging again – about not-so-teary-eyed things – starting next Monday, but will be taking the week off. May God bless this video, and you.

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About Kim

I am a sinner, miraculously saved by grace, living by faith, and pressing toward the mark of being more like Christ. I absolutely love being a stay-at-home mom! I'm also a caterer for a few weddings throughout the year, a baker, and a party planner. And I love to play in other people's kitchens as well as my own! My husband, Chris, just finished his studies for his MA degree in Pastoral Studies. He's a wonderful (and super smart!) daddy - and the most loving and supportive husband. My two beautiful daughters, Chloe and Kami, are the joys of our lives! We pray that they both would be greatly used of the Lord. Throughout their short time here on earth, we have learned so much about ourselves, our God, and the gratefulness we have towards our own parents, who raised us in the ways of God's Word. Our third unborn child is a blessing as well - even after its recent pre-diagnosis of Trisomy 18, or Edwards Syndrome. This blog has kinda turned into a little journal of sorts of our dark journey down this rather uncommon road. I stay busy cooking, cleaning, gardening, and raising the plants I killed back to life, and homeschooling. I blog when get the chance. :) We are always happy to have visitors, so please stop by anytime! Although, if you do give us a call first, we'll make sure to have some fresh cookies and sweet tea available when you arrive!

16 responses »

  1. Beautiful! I’m so glad you got to hold your baby son. Made me cry. When our premature daughter arrived, they wouldn’t even let us look at her. That was in 1973. Now I’ve been blessed with many opportunities to witness to other women who have lost their baby. God’s love overcomes all.

  2. Wow! Just wow! The children and I just watched your video! And you are right… Because of him (Kyle) and your powerful testimony of faith in The Lord… I do love Him (Jesus) more and I also love my own children more. Thank you Kim, and family! We prayed for you today… And I will keep a special place for you on Tuesday’s in the coming weeks.

  3. Thank you for sharing the video. I wept and thanked God for the gift He gave you through Kyle. I loved the name you chose for your son. Very beautiful. I will be praying for you in the days and weeks ahead.

  4. Your strength is amazing. I too have babies waiting in heaven, but never got the priveledge of holding them here on earth. Thank you for sharing your story you have been such an great example of an awesome Christian mom. My prayers for you will continue, God Bless you and your family!

  5. Kim I want to thank you for allowing me to go on this journey with you.It has been a most awesome ,if not heartbreaking,experince.I knew from the begining of your posts that this was a very special baby and Kyle has touched many lives in his short time here.God chose you to be his mom because He knew that thru your writtings someone would come to know him! I praise God for your strength and for your husbands also and for staying true to your faith.You are loved by many but more than anyone by Jesus.I have prayed and cried with you and I know that God is with you and your family.Be blessed as you have been a blessing.From my heart,with love. Connie Buchanan

  6. …wow… I have cried while reading every one of your posts, but I bawled watching that video. I don’t know how you held together. You are so strong…so incredibly strong…

  7. Kim, tears still remain in my eyes after reading this. I have followed your story and my heart aches with you. I hope that one day you will be able to write a book and tell your story. I believe it would help so many others that may be facing similar situations. We are praying for you and your family as you continue your life with sweet memories of Kyle. I am a good friend of your grandmother Rose and have been knowing your family for a long time.

  8. Kim, I am continually humbled, encouraged, challenged, blessed, and amazed at your articulate expression of authentic faith. I cannot wait to meet Kyle, but until then, I am so glad to glean wisdom from his mama. Thank you for sharing and allowing us to grow with you. I can truly say that I love you and your family. God has done great things in and through you all. ~Dena

  9. Kim, your family is an inspiration! To go through such a trial and never stray from the lord is incredible. We will continue to pray for you all. You and baby Kyle are loved by so many, thank you for sharing this beautiful story and video.

  10. What a beautiful tribute to a very special angel. God did perform a miracle in Kyle’s little life, he brought so many people to salvation through his life. I again stand amazed at the faith,strength and courage you have as a family. My prayers are always with you and I am so very thankful that you decided to share with everyone this story. The verse below came to me tonight as I watched the video,

    Jeremiah 1:5

    “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

    God always knows best!

    Blessing, Janis

  11. Faith that honors God brings hope and healing to hearts that grieve. I’ve learned this from your journey. Thank you for sharing Kyle’s story. Much love and prayers for you all always!

  12. Hi Kim,
    I have only met you once a few years ago back at Bethel Baptist (Chris’ home church), my husband and I had the privilege to be Chris’ youth pastor & wife. I just want to let you know how very proud I am of the two of you and how you are sharing with so many your struggles and joys througout this journey. I have not had the chance to read all of your journals bc I was not aware that you were posting them. But I will certainly be doing so today. I saw the video that chris posted on FB, as my husband and I watched it together( through many shed tears, I might add) I had so many thoughts running through my mind. The first of which was, wow those two are so strong!! To oh my, I wish I could just be there to give them all great big hugs and help them walk down this path. But, most of all I felt such joy and pride to see one of our former teens ( I still think of them all as our kids) praising God in one of life’s most difficult moments. We too had a couple of miscarriages during our marriage, but never had the opportunity to see our “little ones”, so I could understand some of the emotions and pain you were suffering. But, I was so proud of Chris and so thankful that God led him to such a strong Christian woman as you. As kids were coming through our youth group I often prayed for them to find “good Christian” companinons and I can truly say I know that is one prayer God answered. It brought to mind for me yesterday the verse in III John 4…”I have no greater joy than to hear my children walk in truth” I know God is going to use you and Chris in a mighty way to carry forth his message, and I am sure many. many lives are going to be touched through “Kyle’s Story”. We will continue to pray for you both and your precious little girls in the days ahead. Please give Chris my love and let him know we are thinking of you both and praying for you as well. Again, thanks for sharing Kyle’s story.

  13. I have followed your journey with Kyle. I prayed for a miracle. The miracle was found in Chris and you. Your faith, hope, & trust has uplifted so many. I am touched by the active involvement of the family in Kyle’s life. My stillborn baby, Harold , has welcomed baby Kyle into Heaven. Allow yourself to grieve. God bless you and your dear family in your new journey. Proverbs 3:5,6

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