So this thing called a “normal pregnancy” is so new to me. To the extent that it almost doesn’t seem real?
In fact if I weren’t at the point of needing more than one pillow at night and always adjusting the thermostat down down down down down….
I’d probably still be in denial that this is really happening.
The small aches and pains that creep up at the end of a pregnancy are definitely keeping me (and my amazing family who is picking up my slack around the house these days) from being in denial much longer.
I’ve had some drama – just not me or baby related. There have been some major issues with the doctors and midwives I’ve chosen – some medical major issues (like, they prescribed drugs that have been highly warned against by the FDA) and some office billing related issues resulting in 60+ hours of phone time to straighten out.
So I’m going to see a practice for the first time this week – at 37 weeks, 3 days – and I’m really thinking they’re gonna be the ones to help me with this baby. At this point, I don’t think I’ll find time to switch around again anyway? So if they don’t measure up, I may just go back to the idea of having this baby on the subway system.
Now that the doctor issue is sorta feeling settled in my mind, I feel like I can focus on other things – like a baby’s room. This is another thing that has been put off. Mainly because I didn’t want to go through the pain of taking it down in case baby never makes it here? There’s no reason to think that would happen – except for my heart telling me constantly that it could happen.
The baby’s crib just may stay in the garage until he’s a couple months old.
I’ve even put off things like a birth plan. I remember spending hours and hours and hours on Kyle’s. Every scenario was planned out minute by minute. Every detail was thought through. It was more intense than my wedding. I think the idea of writing out anything birth plan related, which would force me to think through every single bit of a normal natural birth is a bit much to take in. I always get to a blank white space when I get to the part about the baby being born. Like I almost can’t imagine it?
But then – after all that. I have diapers and wipes. So maybe I’m not too much in denial. :)
Our girls are extremely excited. Whenever I leave, I get goodbye kisses and so does my tummy. When I return, I get hello kisses and so does my tummy. :)
Their hope and excitement keeps many of my fears at bay these days.
People send us baby gifts. The girls open them. Sometimes try them on. Or, I should say, try to try them on.
I think a big part of this struggle comes from not having my support team around me. Being in a new place, new doctors (I haven’t even met yet!) with no family anywhere remotely close by – it’s hard to think about doing my second hardest birth without those people around? It’s really forced me to start thinking about what I really need to be happy. And keeping Christ center focus in my mind. Otherwise I crumble pretty fast and hard.
Something that’s been kinda instrumental to me in recent days has been this awesome journal?! I’ve filled journals throughout our married life for our kids. They’ve been great for me to hash out feelings and learnings – but plain and without much direction. This is exactly what I’ve needed though, these days, to keep things in focus for me when nothing else seems to be in focus, really.
There’s still lots of freedom – you choose your own passages to read, but it gives some great structure when that may be your struggling point.
I have two of these lovelies in pink to give away! So as a thank you for sticking with me through this pregnancy as long as I have been in this pregnancy, jump in on this giveaway?
And sign up for my email updates up there in the corner for an entry? (Hint, email subscribers will be the first to get the baby news…the blog may take a bit.)
Earn a second entry by including your favorite encouraging verse for me and everyone else who stops by here. Trust me, I need these!
Also – any of you looking to order one of these for yourself, in pink, blue, or gray, there’s a great sale going on right now – use the promo code “totallyawesome” and get 25% off your order, bringing these journals to just $9.72 + shipping ($12.32 total)!!!
(Disclosure: I was given a couple of these to use myself and give away if I liked them. I DID! So all opinions are my own. Seriously. you’ll love these as much as I do.)