…He’s given me so many. So many, I’m trying to count 1,000 of them just in this year.
How can I give Him something?
Sunday morning, I was holding a gift. A precious growing gift, deep inside of me.
A treasure in my earthen vessel.
A baby in our family is deeply loved, a treasure. Even when we haven’t seen him yet.
But some complications came about over the weekend.
“Sanctity of life” has a new meaning for us.
I was afflicted. Emotionally, spiritually.
Physically, knowing every pain of each contraction brought me closer to my baby…who I had been so excited to see, but desperately did not want to see yet. I clung to every hope that something I could do would stop what was happening. And I clung to every hope that something I had done was not the cause of what was happening.
But my God loves me immensely. And He loves our baby. He calmed my Spirit with Job’s words.
“The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
So I was not crushed. But I am devastated.
It’s amazing how your heart grows with love as a baby does in the womb. Doubling, tripling by the hour.
I waited through the long rainy days, and the dark quiet nights. Wondering why God would want this treasure now. Why He would take it. I was carrying, in my body, the most final of all. I was carrying death. How is that a treasure? Who would want that.
“…always carrying in your body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.”
The death of Jesus saves me from eternal death. That death put my baby in a sweet, perfect place – a place I suddenly have an insatiable desire to learn more about.
“For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.”
This is the essence of the greatest Gift. The gift of the Gospel.
Because of Jesus’ death, I am alive. My baby is alive. And the life of Jesus can be manifested in me. ME.
That is my treasure. A gift from God so wonderful I can’t even imagine it at times. He lost his child. I lost mine.
I would have never chosen to lose mine. For anyone. He gave His. Willingly. For everyone.
The treasure I have, the death of God’s child for me, is a gift from God to me.
And through this light momentary affliction, my God is preparing for me something so wonderful in eternity, nothing can be compared to it.
Why do I share this? This such painful, private trial. Why wouldn’t I? I surely talk about my other 2 little ones.
And because I’ve always wanted to give God a gift.
“so that as this grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.”
My dear tiny one,
You were formed from love. You were so desperately wanted by the few who knew of your sweet existence. And so many won’t even know of you until now, but their love for you will be genuine. We did everything we could to keep you here, because we believe. We believe that life begins at Week 1, Day 1, Minute 1. You were already a part of our family. We had almost 2 months to think of you, pray for you, and nurture you. I wouldn’t trade those wonderful, precious few days for anything.
You came into the world, in a clean, peaceful world full of candlelight and beautiful notes of music. Notes of hope that our God is indeed in control. Words of thanksgiving for what that God has given us. We really do have 10,000 reasons to bless the Lord. You are yet another one to add to our list.
And you’re the first one from our family to be able to tell our God thank you. In person.
And you gave me a gift. You grew my heart even bigger. I can love more now because of you.
And one day, soon, he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence.
That’s my gift for today. That today, just maybe, as this story of God’s gentle grace and love to me extends to more and more people, someone will be able to see the Gospel. The gift of Christ. So that they may give thanks and glory to my God.
That’s my gift for God, from God.
II Corinthians 4